How to survive the loss of a loved one: psychologist Nataliia Kholodenko gave 10 tips from her experience

A well-known Ukrainian psychologist Nataliia Kholodenko gave her compatriots 10 tips to help them survive the loss of a loved one. The expert admitted that she had dealt with personal grief twice, so she made all the recommendations based on her personal experience.

Kholodenko shared her advice on her personal Instagram page. She emphasized that during a full-scale war, the topic of losing loved ones has become more relevant than ever. One of the key rules is not to ignore your own grief but to live it.

10 tips from Natalia Kholodenko to help you cope with the loss of a loved one:

1. There is no right way to mourn. This is your tragedy and you have the right to your rituals.

2. Do something in honor of the dead. For the sake of your husband, mother, or child. It doesn't have to be publicized. When we do something important to our loved ones, it gives their deaths meaning. They continue to serve life even after their departure.

3. Talk. We don't know how to talk about the dead until many years after the loss. But now so many people are orphaned that we should not remain silent. Tell all your bright memories. For example: my dad was a great singer, and if you knew him, you would understand where my charisma comes from.

4. Breathe. Don't choke back your tears, and don't cry quietly, breathe deeply, and let your emotions come out. You need to cry it out.

5. Draw. Create meaningless images with paints, pencils, and other tools. Through creativity, you will be able to better demonstrate your experiences and feelings, as well as get rid of them in this way.

6. Remind yourself that you did not kill! You did as much as you could.

7. Hate and write about it. You cannot live in hatred, but as part of the experience of loss, this feeling is necessary. Write a diary, post, and talk about your rage.

8. Move around and pour cold water on yourself. Especially if you don't have any sedatives. You can walk quickly and say your hate, love, helplessness, sadness. Say it out loud, no matter how strange it looks. Dousing is a physical removal of pain from a person, it will strengthen you. The water should be as cold as possible and poured on the head.

9. Let yourself be loved. Animals, plants, people – so many beings can give you love. Love in memories, in hugs, in work.

10. Come back to life. Paint your lips, laugh whenever you feel like it, put jam on your head, whatever you can think of. This is your pain, it is individual. It cannot have rules.

"When my father died, we didn't wear mourning clothes, I sang at his grave. I was a strange person with an accordion player on the grave, but it was about me and him," Kholodenko said in conclusion.

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