Check yourself: 9 phrases used by people with high emotional intelligence

Daniel Goleman, a well-known American psychologist, science journalist, and author, has spent more than 25 years researching and writing books about emotional intelligence. He believes that being an emotionally intelligent person means being highly effective and engaged in what you do. It also means feeling satisfied with your work and having a good mood at work.

What this looks and sounds like in practice is broken down into four areas of emotional intelligence: self-awareness, self-control, social awareness, and relationship management. Within these areas, there are specific abilities or "competencies" that distinguish star performers at work, both in teams and as leaders. Here are 9 phrases that people with emotional intelligence tend to think or say regularly – each reflecting the strength of one of the competencies, according to CNBC.

"I can handle it"

Emotional intelligence competency: self-control (self-control)

No matter how stressful or anxious your life is, excelling in self-control – and emotional self-control in particular – means that you can prevent destructive emotions like anger or anxiety from keeping you from doing what you need to do at the moment.

"I can get better, and so can you"

Emotional intelligence competence: self-control (positive outlook)

Instead of assuming that you or someone else is only as good at a skill or task as they seem to be at the time, you realize that everyone, including yourself, can get better with control and practice. This positive outlook empowers you to get through the difficulties in life and allows you to see the possibilities even in setbacks.

"I'm excited about this change"

Emotional intelligence competence: self-management (adaptability)

You can deal with uncertainty and adapt to change instead of reacting rigidly. You are eager to learn new ways of doing things and living.

"I have these thoughts because..."

Emotional intelligence competence: self-awareness

Having self-awareness means that you understand what triggers your moods and how emotions make you think, feel, and want to act. You can recognize, for example, when your thoughts come from feelings of anger, anxiety, or sadness. Self-awareness is a prerequisite for better emotional self-control and self-control in general.

"I understand and I care about you"

Emotional intelligence competence: social awareness (empathy)

There are three types of empathy:

Knowing how someone thinks about what is happening

Feeling their feelings

Caring about that person.

Together, these three aspects of empathy create intimacy and trust in any relationship.

"So, how does it work here"

Emotional intelligence competence: social awareness (organizational awareness)

Knowing who makes the decisions that matter to you gives you the key to the crucial dynamics of your organization. If you understand who's involved and how things work, you can often exert influence.

"We can solve this"

Emotional intelligence competence: relationship management (conflict management)

A talent in conflict resolution means that you do not ignore conflicts, you can listen to all opinions and find win-win solutions.

"We stand for each other"

Emotional intelligence competence: relationship management (teamwork)

A sense of belonging and psychological safety in a team means that you can do your best and take risks to be innovative without fear of rejection or humiliation. Regardless of your role in the team, you can connect and collaborate while sharing responsibilities and rewards.

"This can help you"

Emotional intelligence competence: managing relationships (coaching and mentoring)

Coaching or mentoring is a key part of helping to develop leaders for the future, strengthening your team and organization for the long term. You do this by offering support and motivating people to learn and grow.

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